Blessed Pain

Since I was very young, about 10, I got really sick with this disorder that is known as Ulcerative Colitis (bleeding of the intestinal track if you care about the details. Usually caused by stress, certain foods, or too much of a strenuous life style). I had it flare up again when I was 13. Again when I was 18. Again when I was 21. And again when I was 23. And truth be told those are the worst occasions when I was in so much pain I could hardly move. I’ve honestly never fully healed. The pain and symptoms are always there to a degree. My bowels never cooperate like they are supposed to. It’s been what I considered a curse for a very long time, but at 23 that was the most important occurrence when I was old enough to realize I had to take responsibility for this. It is something I’ll probably have to deal with the rest of my life and so I began to really put into effect a healthier, stronger, and more faith driven way of life.

Previous to the last incident I got involved at a gym as a fitness instructor (that is a long story for another time) and also into the greatest church ever (seriously, Garden Assembly. Best. Church. Ever. I’d argue that). So between these two walks of life I grew stronger physically, mentally, and spiritually. I developed healthy habits. I developed a faith, and a real trust in God. Also new understandings. I became less stressed (although I stepped into a much more strenuous life style). So many people I’ve heard from who have UC can’t handle stress of any kind, yet for me with God I do the impossible. I teach fitness classes regularly, and am pushed to my limits on a regular basis in a very busy and chaotic life. Now its not 100 percent. Nor am I. I could probably live healthier, less stressed, or less chaotic, but truth me told I deal with life as it comes. All the chaos and all the pain and living still doesn’t defeats me. This pain has inspired my life, and made me stronger in so many ways, and I can’t imagine it’s done doing so.

So back to the present! This past weekend was amazing. People getting miraculously healed. So many people were talking, and saying how they could now do what they thought was impossible, but not me. My gut still hurts. My pain is still there. Now don’t you dare pity me. For this is not a curse on my life. This is a blessing. This is my blessing. Though I might have considered it a curse myself it makes me stronger. It keeps me at the top of my game. It keeps me living healthy and living faithful, because when I do I feel strong even with it. It is a miracle in itself to be doing what I am doing with such a thing present. I am doing the impossible.

For anyone who’s seen the movie Amazing Grace or knows of the historical figure William Wilberforce they would probably know of his efforts and succession in abolishing the slave trade, and his efforts to changing the culture of his time. He also has colitis, but he strived to changed the world anyway. So shall I strive, and so shall I likely be in pain. If that’s not inspiration I don’t know what is. So when I say I wasn’t healed I mean to say I wasn’t healed so I could understand that my pain is what really defines me. It makes my life an inspiration. I can say I’m challenged and I overcome. Though it is painful I would not do without it because it brings glory to God. I have been so blessed in my life. I have been given a perspective and understanding that is unique to the world. And I believe that if I can do the impossible, and live with this pain. Then I can also change the world.

“We are too young to realize that certain things are impossible… So we will do them anyway.”

-William Wilberforce